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Eddie, hey—you going to the party or not? ‘Cause honestly I’m not too sure. Shit used to happen at parties like this all the fuckin’ time, I’m thinking about skipping out on this one.

Wanna play hooky with me?

...shit, really? I don't know. I wasn't planning on it until I thought about getting the volunteer opportunities out of the way as fast as possible. I signed up to do meet and greets at it. I'll just make it conditional that nobody's allowed to touch me and hopefully, it'll only take like an hour, then I can get out of there. I mean, or I could change it so I'm not volunteering at the party and I can do it another time.

You think I should bail and schedule another thing to make up for it?

Yeah, it turns out public gatherings with multiple people who have superpowers can and often do go to hell. [That’s—not comforting, but Eddie’s a big guy, he can handle an hour of handshakes and glad-handing.] An hour’s fine.

Just—if something goes down even before the hour’s up, you get out fast. I know you’ve got fucking incredible immunity now, but I’m not sure if that stretches to suddenly having your most traumatic memories uploaded onto the Internet, for example.

[...which has actually happened to Richie.]

Of course I could just be fucking paranoid. [He says it with a wry, self-deprecating note: hey, look at me, freaking out over nothing.] They didn’t always go to shit so spectacularly, it just happened way too often. There’s a few people here from that same world, you can ask them.

Well, that's great considering the whole year's worth of events the Parks and Rec department sent for us to choose from...

[ No, no it is not comforting at all, quite frankly, but Eddie will just have to suck it up, he decides. He wants that stipend until he can save up an especially comfortable cushion from the money he isn't wasting on utilities and rent while he looks for a job that's more suitable than the one he's been skipping every day. Honestly, who in the hell thought putting Eddie in charge of children was a good idea? ]

...wait, what? What the hell are you talking about, Rich? How is that even a thing?

Eh, you can just go to two, do two things at one and just one thing at the other, and then blow the rest off. That’s my plan. [A pause.] Want me to drop by? Just to keep an eye out for weird shit.

[Although Richie’s threshold for weird might be a little higher than usual.]

Oh, right, yeah. One of the Swear-Ins I went to, there was this experimental tech that suddenly glitched. Fucked up the people with psychic powers, and apparently that set off some kinda reaction where people’s memories got pulled out of their heads and uploaded onto the Internet. [A tired sigh.] I think mine singlehandedly gave somebody—fuck, whaddaya call fear of clowns again?

I kinda figured I'd do the meet and greet at this thing and then the next two parades. That way, I have minimal contact with people. I'd really prefer it that way. But yeah I'm going to blow off the rest, probably. But yeah, cool, come by. I have to figure out what the hell I'm going to wear. I guess costumes are mandatory. I'm guessing I can't get away with putting on a suit and saying I'm going as a lawyer or something. What are you going to do?

[ That's...all right. A lot. ]

Jesus Christ...wherever you were, that's some fucked up shit.

[ Frowning slightly, he clears his throat. ]

Coulrophobia.

Yeah, that. I accidentally gave some poor alien fuck who’d never even seen a clown before coulrophobia.

[He is disturbingly casual about this now. There’s a quiet snicker, like Eddie’s just said something he finds funny.]

No, but if you slicked your hair back and came with a microphone you could say you’re John Mulaney. [A pause.] Actually, forget I said that. I’m going as John Mulaney, there can’t be two.

I guess in your defense, it's not an entirely irrational fear to have.

[ Wrinkling his nose, Eddie looks confused. He's not really a stand-up comedian kind of guy. The only special he ever watched was Richie's and, at the time, he didn't even really know why he wanted to watch that one. ]

The fuck is John Mulaney? I'll figure something out.

Another guy in stand-up, used to work for SNL, looks kinda like he walked out of a movie from the fifties. The Internet fucking loves him now?

[Yeah, Richie’s as confused as anyone over the Internet’s sudden adoration of John fucking Mulaney. Like. Him? Really?]

Yeah, who knows if the clown at your birthday party won’t suddenly try to kill and eat everyone, right.

I'll take your word for it. I never heard of him.

[ God... Too soon, Trashmouth. Eddie's still got phantom pain in his chest and stomach every once in a while. ]

Beep beep, Richie.

hey Eddie there’s something important I gotta talk to you about
like real fucking important
like “I can’t do it over text but if I do it in person I will physically implode from stress” important
call me

Yeah, okay, gimme a minute.

[ Eddie finishes paying for his coffee and leaves Soul Full Cup, heading a little way down the street to find somewhere at least semi-private to sit, so that he'll hopefully avoid being interrupted and it won't be too loud with foot traffic so he can focus. Then, he toggles the video functionality to audio-only and calls Richie, waiting until the other man answers before speaking.. ]

What's up, dude?

[I love you.

No.]

Just thought—you know, since we’re rooming together now, I figured I should tell you something. [He sucks in a breath.] I, uh.

[There’s a pause. Then a sigh.]

God, this is harder than they said it would be. [Another breath, like he’s trying to steel himself.] Okay. D’you remember when we were like, fourteen, and one time we watched this horror movie, I don’t remember the title, but there was this cheerleader-type girl with a short skirt. Remember when she died, and I acted all torn up about it?

[He laughs, a little. It sounds harshly self-deprecating.]

I was lying. I never paid attention to her. It was her boyfriend, the big jock guy, that’s who I was looking at the whole time. It’s why I haven’t written my own jokes in a while, too—it’s real hard to write jokes about a girlfriend when you’re not even attracted to women.

[Then he pauses again, as if surprised at himself for saying that out loud. When he starts up again, his voice is softer, even a little scared. Please don’t hate me.] I’m—I’m gay, Eds. Have been since, fuck, forever, probably.

[He can already feel his stomach churning, his throat beginning to close up on him. Christ, is it always going to be this hard?]

Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. And that I did it over the phone, but I wasn’t gonna ruin your shirt with whatever’s left of my lunch.

[ For a long moment, Eddie's quiet while he lets Richie muddle through whatever the fuck it is that he's actually trying to say. It becomes clear just before Richie has to come out and actually say it in exactly so many words and Eddie has to take a second to formulate a response. Somehow, he thinks his reflex

I knew it. I fucking knew you were overcompensating with all those jokes about fucking my mom.

seems like an inappropriate response. By, like, a lot. And, by now, Eddie's actually been hit on by a guy who wears skirts while riding floats in the parades winding through Eglaf, so... All in all, Eddie likes to think he's pretty open-minded at this point in his life. ]

It was only my business once you wanted it to be, man. Don't be sorry.

[ Is that an appropriate response? No, probably also not, but it feels kind of important to address Richie's apology first because he doesn't need to give it in the first place. ]

I mean, it's...yeah, okay, so you like dudes.

[ He pauses, considers, nearly reconsiders, and then says it anyway. Fuck it, Rich will probably appreciate the levity. ]

My mom's gonna be really upset when she finds out.

[ A soft huff of amusement escapes him. Jesus, she's probably rolling in her grave by now, but... Well. Hopefully, that'll cut the tension, anyway, and it'll be worth it. ]

Unless you’re working with a very old definition of the word “gay”, yeah, that’s usually what it means.

[It’s funny how Richie’s voice can remain remarkably dry while he’s hiding away in a bathroom at the theater. Why a bathroom? Well, it’s the most private place he could find, and he’s not about to come out of the closet while in a literal closet.

But when he laughs, there’s a wetness clinging to it. Like he really wasn’t sure Eddie would take it well.]

Yeah, she’s gonna be real pissed off I’ve been fucking your dad on the side.

[ In spite of himself, Eddie laughs. It's not funny; both of his parents are dead, but, all the same...it's a little funny. ]

Beep beep, Richie.

[ Taking a sip of his coffee he pauses before continuing. He's not really sure how a conversation like this is supposed to go, but he's pretty confident that it's not supposed to go the way he's steering it. ]

So, do we, like, have a coming-out party now? Is that a thing? I'm pretty sure we already missed Pride month, so it's a little late, but...

[ He's mostly joking but also...maybe not actually joking? How does coming out work?! ]

I don’t know, man, I didn’t exactly try to immerse myself in gay culture. [A cough.] Honestly, this is all-new territory for me. My original pre-clown plan was never to come out at all, but, well.

[Then the clown happened, and it turns out there’s things far worse than dragging his secret back out into the light.]

You know you might be the first person I’ve actually told? The first and last time I came out to someone, we were trapped in a church that was making us hallucinate our worst memories. Didn’t really have much of a choice there. [A breath.] I like this better. Less panicked screaming and terror.

You know, I'm not a big fan of giving It any credit, even when it might be due, but...the shit we went through does kind of put shit in perspective, sometimes, when it's needed.

[ He smiles a little. It's kind of nice to know that, actually. More importantly, it's nice to know that this wasn't scary for Richie. ]

Good, I'm glad. We're good, Rich. Thanks for telling me.

Nothing like almost getting eaten by a killer clown to adjust your perspective, huh?

[It still is terrifying, it’s why he’s hiding in the bathroom—there’s even the faint flush of someone using the toilet a couple stalls away from the one that Richie’s hogging, but. Now he’s out on the other side of it, and he can’t quite believe he was so terrified of telling Eddie. Of course he’d be okay with it. This is Eddie, this is his best friend. Eddie’s going to be on his side in the important shit.

Well. Most of the important shit, anyway.

There’s still things Richie can’t tell him, not yet. The carving on the kissing bridge, the stolen glances throughout their pubescent years, the fact that easily 80% of the guys Richie’s ever been with have fallen into something of a Type. Those, Richie will keep to himself for now. Baby steps, after all.]

Great. ‘Cause I was also gonna tell you, I’m marrying your dad in the fall. He treats me so damn well.

Yeah, really.

[ That tone is resigned, to say the least. It's a shitty way to have to put things into perspective, but dying will do that to a guy. Speaking of which, he really should get back to that bucket list... Adding things to it or crossing things off; either or both, really.

Snorting and rolling his eyes, Eddie takes another sip of his coffee and then gets to his feet to continue his walk back to the apartment. He should probably find a job. This whole time, he's been freeloading on the local taxpayers' dollar because he's a registered Displaced Super but, shit, even Richie goes to work every day. ]

Beep beep, Richie. I'm heading back to the apartment. You need me to stop anywhere for something on my way back?

Yeah, something summery that I can wear on a stage. Might be MC-ing for an upcoming event soon.

[A beat.]

And Froot Loops. They’ve got those here, I checked.

What am I, your personal shopper? I meant groceries, dickwad.

[ But just for that, when Richie gets home, he'll almost definitely find an Old Navy dress hanging on the back of his door with a note attached saying,

"Is this about right? It's summery. Next time be more specific.
-Eds

He couldn't help himself, honestly, and Richie did sort of walk right into that one, in Eddie's defense. Eddie can get in a few good chucks of his own, now and again. ]

Froot Loops, I can do.

Well, should’ve been more specific then!

[Yeah, those words aren’t gonna bite him on the ass, definitely.]

Great. Hey, did you know, they never stopped making Dino Pebbles and that Nintendo cereal here?

I'll keep that in mind.

[ Definitely not. ]

Oh, for real? Shit, I can't remember the last time I had either of those. Is that your way of asking me to pick one or both of them up?

They added Pikachu to the Nintendo cereal, I can finally bite his cute little head off. Fuck yeah, you should buy them!

So I can't help it, I'm insanely nosy.

How'd it go with Bev? Good catch up?

Haha you're allowed to be.
You helped ease her into the idea so I didn't give her a heart attack.

But yeah, it was great. I love Bev. I think I've always loved Bev.
She's one of the best friends I've ever had. It feels better having her here. I think that probably makes me a selfish dick, but it is what it is.

Thank you again, by the way, for helping to facilitate that smooth transition. What time is Taco Tuesday? I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Well, since I'm allowed to...haha

I'm glad that it was good and went well, I know for some people it's pretty damn rough. But you really aren't a dick, Eddie, you're sweet. But human. Hell, I'd feel better if my friends were here too, it's only natural.

You're welcome again, and I'll be there any time you need, just let me know. Taco Tuesdays start at 7, and if you want to drag Bev or any other friends along I'm happy to make more, for the record.

That doesn't make it not a dick thing for me to want, though.

I know you will, Sal. You've made that really clear and I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it. Oh man, that is tempting. Maybe next time, though. Another friend turned up, as well. We should probably not bombard your dinner all at once like that. At least not on such short notice.

Then I guess we're both dicks because if I could have my best friends here I would too.

I'm good like that. And Eddie, I used to live with two teenaged boys who would eat their weight in tacos and nachos, practically. I don't think a couple more of your friends will make that big of a difference, personally, if it's just the imposition you're worried out because it's really not bad on my part.

At least I'm not the only dick, then.

I mean, it's partly that, but mostly just the last minute of it.
Next week, though? If the invitation stands, I'll extend it to the Losers, too.

My boys are back, the friends/roommates that I mentioned to you before that eat like garbage disposals!

Hey, that's awesome! I saw that and I wondered if they were the ones you'd been talking about. I was going to wait a couple of days to let you have some time before I reached out to ask. I'm really happy for you, Sal.

Cam's gone, unfortunately. And I might be a little selfish for focusing on being happy that they are back more than anything else, but I'm trying not to overthink it.

It's really nice to have them back.

Shit, I'm sorry about Cam... I know you guys got close.

But I'm glad you got your friends back. I really am happy for you.

Yeah we did, but I'm just hoping that he's happy at home, honestly.

Thanks, Eddie :) You'll have to meet them some time. How are you doing over there with your friends trying to settle in and everything, though?

I'm sure he is.

Yeah absolutely. I'd like to. I think Stanley's still having a hard time, but that's complicated. Bev seems to be doing all right, though.
I wonder what the hell we're going to do on Tuesdays now when you've got two growing boys to feed haha

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