I don’t know, man, I didn’t exactly try to immerse myself in gay culture. [A cough.] Honestly, this is all-new territory for me. My original pre-clown plan was never to come out at all, but, well.

[Then the clown happened, and it turns out there’s things far worse than dragging his secret back out into the light.]

You know you might be the first person I’ve actually told? The first and last time I came out to someone, we were trapped in a church that was making us hallucinate our worst memories. Didn’t really have much of a choice there. [A breath.] I like this better. Less panicked screaming and terror.